running tally

CRASHHH!

today i drank a cup of coffee in the morning.  when i got to work i was talking a mile a minute, well many words a minute and people were looking at me.  half an hour later, and still now, i crashed so hard.  my body is dragging on the ground, i feel as though my elbows are attached to my sides and my neck wants to bend in half.

naturally i am finding it difficult to keep track of time, focus, and read.  so i decided to shop online instead.  i love internet sales.  i think i ordered the last gray plaid button up at the gap.  GOOD. 

poli-tix

for some reason i love politics, i always wish i knew more.  i minor-ed in poly-sci in college pretty much because i wanted to know more.  i should have taken a better american history course.  but i took poly-sci and now in most of my free time at work i read www.washingtonpost.com.  i like listening to people debate politics so i love reading the comment pages of the news stories on news websites.  BUT i cannot debate or explain my own political opinions.  i get too emotional and i also am worried of being factually wrong, so rather than risk feeling dumb, i usually sit back and let other people talk politics while i listen and ask some questions.   

right now i am interested in the 2008 presidential campaign.  it is innately interesting, i want to know everything about it.  which is pretty easy, it is all over the news.  it is actually almost all that is in the news.  i think people are obsessed over who is going to be the democratic nominee.  the simple fact that the nominee will either be a black man or a woman is fascinating to most people, including myself.  it is unfortunate though, when asked what are the differences between them, hillary and barack only say verions of: “what is more important is that we are both way different than the republicans!”  i want them to debate, to clash to be productive.  i am naive in wanting there to direct confrontation and conclusions drawn.  i wish that they could have no representatives, that before this race i had never heard of them.  because gilmore girls characters have been cracking hillary for president jokes for a few years now.  which is weird watching an episode on dvd and lorelai goes “i’ll see you when hillary’s president!” 

gov. Bill Richardson re: Barack Obama

“I had just been asked a question — I don’t remember which one — and Obama was sitting right next to me. Then the moderator went across the room, I think to Chris Dodd, so I thought I was home free for a while. I wasn’t going to listen to the next question. I was about to say something to Obama when the moderator turned to me and said, ‘So, Gov. Richardson, what do you think of that?’ But I wasn’t paying any attention! I was about to say, ‘Could you repeat the question? I wasn’t listening.’ But I wasn’t about to say I wasn’t listening. I looked at Obama. I was just horrified. And Obama whispered, ‘Katrina. Katrina.’ The question was on Katrina! So I said, ‘On Katrina, my policy …’ Obama could have just thrown me under the bus. So I said, ‘Obama, that was good of you to do that.”

this pretty much made up my mind, don’t know why. 

i'm OPEN!

i play soccer once a week on mondays.  it reminds me of high school.  it also reminds me of my father, because WHEN i was in high school, playing soccer pretty much daily, he had what i called “old man soccer” (or oms) once or twice a week.  and sometimes i would go with him for fun.  also, lots of those old men were really good, and like, from brazil or some shit.  and i would play with them and be way better because i was in better shape and i was younger.  but there would always be the one old man on the other team who was way better than me.  he was the one from brazil obviously.

digression:  my dad only befriended foreigns so i knew a pablo, a chang, a felix, a kszyszek, a leszek, a tadeusz, a dharma and a randy.  the randy actually was american and my dad calls him chief.  they were all nice. 

but anyway.   now i am 22 and not in high school and playing adult soccer.  it’s not quite oms for ME but it is for some of the guys on my team!  yesterday, we lost really badly.  our team is full of really great players (some of them are foreign even!)  playing now is always surreal, whether i play well or not.  for one thing, we play on pier 40 and it is a floating turf field surrounded by manhattan skyscrapers.  i have to take the train there.  this makes me feel weird, to be dressed for soccer and carrying my shin guards and socks in my bag.  and on the ride HOME i am all sweaty and red in the face.  i feel weird about that, being exposed and post-athletic in public.  playing now also feels surreal because yesterday, there were grown men FIGHTING on the field.  one guy kicked another guy which started this whole revenge foul for foul thing.  then we lost, and i also lost count of the goals against, it was like ten or eight i think.  up there.

but the first week i was in pain two days after playing, and now i feel fine.  it’s funny because i am not in good shape at all, it’s the winter and i am fat and i don’t like being outside and i try not to walk places.  but i really want to keep playing when it gets nice out and maybe go running sometimes.  nothing too crazy but maybe like twice a week.  UGHHH i want to score a goal.

earl grey

often

morgellons

yesterday i read about morgellon’s disease at work (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morgellons) after jezebel posted an item about it on their website.  then i read the five page article about it on the washingtonpost.com.  then i searched it in google.  that lasted until the end of my work day and when i got home i read the live discussion from the washingtonpost.  then i looked for it on youtube.

then i couldn’t stop itching.

i seem to be morbidly obsessed with this new “condition.”  morgellon’s is still undiagnosed, unresearched, painful, EXISTING and completely fucking creepy.  mostly women complain of it, and doctors have been claiming the disease does not exist and solely consists of a paranoid mental state.  BUT the consistent symptoms and evidence DISCREDITS these doctors and indicate that something far scarier is happening- people (again, mostly women) are being kept awake for days, itching uncontrollably, breaking out in lesions, rashes and hives, feeling bugs crawling under their skin, seeing bugs come out of their bodies, losing their hair, and weirdest of all the symptons, they are pulling “fibers” out of their skin. 

these fibers are black, red, white and blue and when scientists analyzed them, were found to be an unrecognized substance.  people are pulling these things off their skin, combing them out of their hair and picking them out of wounds.  it is fucking crazy.  i am so morbidly curious about these people, their symptoms and pretty much EVERYTHING about morgellons.  bryan thinks that all the videos are cool, meanwhile i am freaking out. 

the debate/situation boils down to this:
either there is a new disease out there causing these insane symptoms
or
a bunch of women went the same kind of crazy

i don’t know which i’d rather… new disease?  BUT OMG WHAT IF I FUCKING CATCH IT? jfsidjhgfuirdkjehgjfdshfkslruew843~!

heath ledger died today

heath ledger just died.  his death makes me sad, it makes me think.  his is the first famous death that has affected me.  i had an active crush on that man in my teens.  i loved ten things i hate about you.  i loved brokeback mountain.  what the hell else was he in?  he was a handsome man and he seemed like a nice man. 

i don’t know.  brad renfro died this week too.  the associated press supposedly already has britney spears’ obituary ready JUSTINCASE.  imagine.   amy winehouse (a celebrity i truly do not care about beyond this) has been filmed LITERALLY smoking crack in her apartment.  the video’s on the internet.

heath ledger always seemed different to me, somehow.  he wasn’t trashy or anything and the only thing i found fault with was the pants he wore in that one scene in ten things i hate about you, those shiny pleather pants, you know, the ones that looked like “future pants” designed in the 80s.  he and his ex wife always looked so polished and happy together.  i was even surprised when i heard they divorced.

maybe it is weird that i care so much?  but everyone cares so much.  i don’t know.  i also just found out that i could hire my own force of paparazzi for the day.  which is a dream come true.  maybe they should hire paprazzi for the paparazzi.  i am probably being naive and idealistic and a big baby.

i just really liked heath ledger, this is a weird feeling.  no one i know in my personal life has died.  so i don’t know; again. 

good morning

saying good morning is important, and the first time i realized this was when i was in middle school and i was reading ‘little house on the prarie.’  laura ingalls (the role model of my youth) was teaching school a good twelve miles from home.  which is really far in south dakota before cars were invented, and her father had to drive her back and forth in the freezing cold and swirling snow.  anyway.  after being away for a long time, she visited her home.  her mother cheerfully said “good morning, laura” when she woke up and came down for breakfast.  and laura practically reeled at the way saying good morning made her have a good morning.  the couple who ran her boarding house were mean.  they never said good morning to her.

all i’m saying is that the morning has a severe impact on the rest of your day.

my phone is broken, so my good morning THIS morning was “haha oh shit i am going to be late for work…”  so i bravely soldiered on (after petting my cat for like three minutes) and got ready to go.  i’m pretty proud of my ability to get ready quickly.  i was only two minutes late for work, after waking up at 7:27 i arrived at 8:02.  but i’m still not awake.  i am trapped in the nether-world of a day at work without a shower.  mostly i just wish i could go back to bed and pet my cat some more.